she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
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I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
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Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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