Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
