I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
