its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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