I wish I only lived at night.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
