I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
