she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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