I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't deserve a penis
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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