Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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