absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
