I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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