The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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