Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
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If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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