if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
