He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
