i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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