I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
