Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
