hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
