Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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