Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
