Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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