I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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