one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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