meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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