it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
