I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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