YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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