Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
