cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
