Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
