What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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