didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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