In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
