I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Boobs speak an international language.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
