I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
