i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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