Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
