Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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