who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
