don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
