Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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