So drunk its hurt
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
