That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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