Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
