the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
