I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The best revenge is premature balding
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
