I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
