Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
