the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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