It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
