my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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