How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
