...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I understand Curling. That high.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
