I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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