Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
