Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
