I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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