Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
