wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
