So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
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Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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