She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
