I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
