Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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