we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
