He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
