my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
