PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
