I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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