Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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