How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
