dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
