you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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