I wanna passion pit in your ass
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
