So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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