Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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