The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
